撸撸

　　Let’s be honest: It feels good to be loved. After a performance in Arizona last summer， a young teenage girl waited in a long line of fans to give me a clay heart she had made. Upon receiving it夏雨荷 麻豆， my own heart melted， as if it were made of the same soft clay.

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　　坦荡地说：被爱的嗅觉的确很好！旧年夏天，有一次在亚利桑那州扮演完后，一个十明年的年青小姐排在长长的粉丝戎行中，等着要把她用黏土合手成的心送给我。拿平直的那一刻，我的心就熔化了，仿佛我方的那颗心亦然用雷同的软泥作念成的。

　　You don’t have to have a performing career to have a following of admirers these days. With the rising of online communities in the last decade such as YouTube， Facebook， Twitter， etc.， most of us have had the experience of building our own followings， whether our circle of family and friends or as part of a business or organization that we run. Who doesn’t enjoy getting “likes” and reading through the re-affirming comments of others? Indeed， being admired is a validating (说明) experience and I don’t know many people that don’t want to be respected and loved.

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　　现如今，你不必非得从事演艺业绩，也能领有一多量仰慕你的东说念主。近十年来，跟着诸如视频网站YouTube、移交网站Facebook和推寥落各式会聚社区的兴起，咱们大多数东说念主皆曾有过积贮咱们我方的维持者的资格，不管是咱们的家东说念主、一又友也好，如故咱们交易上、团队里的伙伴也罢。谁不心爱得到别东说念主的“点赞”，谁不心爱从新到尾地读完别东说念主再三详情我方的指摘？确凿，被东说念主仰慕是一种得到认同的体验，我意志的东说念主当中也很少有东说念主不思受到尊敬与贵重。

　　But what happens when you are openly and publicly criticized and even hated? Does it knock you off your center? Along with the benefits of these online social communities comes a platform for negative voices that we may not always be able to control. I’ve had my fair share (公道分派) of haters. Sure you can “block (屏蔽)” or “unfriend (撤销好友干系)” anyone who wishes you emotional harm， but once a malicious (坏心的) comment has blindsided (偷袭) you， it can really shake you up (使不安). Here are a few tips on how to come out of these situations unscathed (未受毁伤的) and even more confident than before.

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　　但是，如果你遭到公开的月旦致使是敌对，你会如何？你会被击垮吗？这些会聚移交社区在带来各类克己的同期，也会提供平台给各类负面声息，而咱们对这些负面声息却并不一定总能掌控。我也免不了有恨我的东说念主。天然，你不错“屏蔽”或者“删除”任何思伤害你情感的东说念主。关联词，一朝有条坏心言论出其不虞地攻击了你，它就的确会让你感到心神不安。那么咱们如何才智毫发无伤地走出这些窘境，致使作念到比当年愈加自信呢？来听听底下这几条提倡吧。

　　1. The way we see others tends to be a reflection of how we see ourselves. In other words， if someone is bothered by you or even hating on you (or vice versa)， that person is only bothered by what they cannot accept about his or herself. This makes it much easier to stand back (耳旁风) and have compassion on those who are struggling to find something within themselves to love. Likewise， if someone consistently sees the good in others and in life， they are likely to be confident about who they are as a person and attract like-minded personalities into their sphere of influence.

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　　1. 咱们看待别东说念主的神色时常会反馈出咱们是如何看待我方的。换句话说，如果有东说念主对你感到讨厌致使对你心胸归咎(反之亦然)，那么阿谁东说念主只是是对其自己所弗成接收的东西感到厌恶。如果大概这么思，那么耳旁风就变得容易得多，也就更容易恻隐那些正在致力寻找自己值得被东说念主心爱的一面的东说念主。雷同，如果有东说念主不断发现他东说念主身上和生计中好意思好的一面，那么他们很可能就会自信地作念我方，吸引志趣趋附的东说念主到他们的圈子里。

　　2. Avoid the temptation to fire back to a hater. Respond instead with a disarming (摈斥怒火的) approach. It will always make things worse to get even (挫折) by firing back and you won’t come out on top (赢得告捷)， even if you win (I speak from experience!). If you must say something， then I find it extremely effective to say something totally disarming. For example， I once had someone comment on one of music videos.  They said， “Your nose bugs (使讨厌) me.” Not that big of a deal， but still， it’s not fun to have your face criticized. I commented back and said something to the effect of (玩忽是): “I got my nose from my dad. I love it because it reminds me of him and what an amazing person he is.”

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　　2. 避让眩惑，不去反击仇恨你的东说念主。相背，要排深邃纷地作念出回答。淌若为了挫折进行反击，永远只会使情况变得愈加灾祸，即使你赢了，你也不会成为临了的赢家(我这么说是有切身资格的！)。如果你非要说些什么，那么我合计说些能绝对摈斥敌意的话辱骂常生效的。举例，有东说念主仍是这么评价我的一个音乐视频，他们说：“你的鼻子让我合计很烦！”天然这莫得什么大不了的，但是你的长相被东说念主指摘也不是什么真谛的事情。于是我作念了回复，玩忽说的是：“我的鼻子随我爸。我心爱它，因为它让我思起了他，思起他是一个何等了不得的东说念主。”

　　On another occasion， I had a commenter criticize me for wearing what she deemed as “an immodest (不对礼节的) dress” in one of my music videos and publicly pointed the finger at me for being a bad example. I wrote back and said (paraphrasing)， “Whoever you are， wherever you are， I just want you to know that I love you no matter what decisions you make in your life.”

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　　还有一次，有个指摘者认为我在某个音乐视频里穿了“一件不对礼节的裙子”，因而对此颇有微词，况且还公然谴责我带了个坏头。我回复说念(梗概是这么)：“非论你是谁，非论你身在哪里，我只是思让你知说念我是爱你的，不管你这一世会作念出什么决定。”

　　She sent me a private apology shortly after that. It doesn’t take much to totally shift the energy of a negative comment into something positive. As a result， you will feel infinitely better too.

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　　在那之后不久，她暗里向我示意了说念歉。没费太多事，负面指摘的负能量就十足滚动成正能量了。最终，你也会嗅觉好好多。

　　3. In the words of Alison Krauss: “You say it best， when you say nothing at all.” Ask yourself if it’s really worth it to spend any energy at all fussing over (过分暖和)a hater. Most of the time， it’s not. So do what you have to do: “Block”， “Delete”， “Report (举报)”， and go on with your day. (Bonus (赠品): Send out a prayer， a wish or a good vibration (共识) for the one who tried to hurt you. You’ll feel amazing. I promise.)

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　　3. 用艾莉森·克劳斯的话说：“此时无声胜有声。”扪心自问，破耗元气心灵去勉强一个恨你的东说念主究竟是否的确值得。好多时代，这是不值得的。是以只管作念你需要作念的就好啦：“屏蔽”“删除”“举报”，赓续过好你的日子。(附赠：为那些试图思伤害你的东说念主祷告、祈福或者说一句让东说念主有好感的话，我保证，你会嗅觉棒极了。)　

　　Sometimes it’s easy to forget that there’s a real person on the other side of the computer screen. We could all stand to be a little more generous with the positive comments we leave and lot more cautious about the criticism we make. But when it comes to others leaving waves of negativity in their wake (随之而来)， remember that it’s not about you and it never was.

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　　偶而，咱们很容易健忘电脑屏幕的另一危坐着一个活生生的东说念主。咱们皆不错对咱们所作念的正面评价略微激昂一些，对咱们所作念出的月旦谴责愈加足履实地一些。但淌若别东说念主在背后煽风焚烧，请记着，这与你无关，从来皆与你无关。

　　By Mindy Gledhill

　　译 / 王勣夏雨荷 麻豆